


where all your blood is washed away and all you did will be undone

by jjcofeesa



Series: carry on tumblr fics [4]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Ghosts, M/M, Suicide, YIKES this one is painful, there is not a happy moment of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-30 03:12:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16756588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjcofeesa/pseuds/jjcofeesa
Summary: the dead may be gone, but they have not settled. there are ghosts in these closets, and they are clattering to speak.





	where all your blood is washed away and all you did will be undone

**Author's Note:**

> BE WARNED: THIS IS NOT A HAPPY FIC. gemma (@thestoryofloading on tumblr) wanted angst, and i delivered. i'm so sorry.

_Lucy_

I didn’t want to see him like this.

I didn’t want to see him, period.

But he’s here.

And he looks disheveled, like a sword ran him through.

Davy turns up his face to look at me, his eyes cold and steely even now, even after there’s no life behind them.

“It was him,” he says. “He killed us both.”

I never want you to think that way. You are not a murderer.

It’s been twenty years since he came here. But when you filled the holes, you gave me back some magic, too. I wanted to tell you all of this.

I wanted to tell you that you and Penny would have been friends no matter what. Mit and I would have made sure of that. I’m sorry I had to leave.

I need to tell you all of this.

But I don’t have much time.

_Natasha_

I came through once.

You weren’t there.

I couldn’t say what I wanted to that boy. You would have been upset.

I want to tell you I’m proud, Basil. You had the courage to do what I could not have done. Live. I want to tell you I’m sorry. I heard you; I heard your words twenty years ago. I know you thought you were living despite me, and I’m sorry.

You are so brave, Basil.

_Davy_

I don’t know why I’m here, why I haven’t moved on.

Why am I still waiting?

It’s been twenty years. Lucy still won’t talk to me, or look at me.

I thought I did it. I couldn’t count on him killing me. I couldn’t count on my weapon being using against me.

It’s been twenty years. I don’t have anyone to Visit.

Why am I still here?

_Ebb_

There aren’t any goats here.

I don’t know where here is, to be exact, but I know I have something to do.

I have to find Nicky. I have to tell him I’m sorry. I missed our meeting twenty years ago, and I couldn’t make that up.

Until now.

_Simon_

Baz, remember when we had four Visitings in one night? First it was my mum, then yours, then the Mage (that was not fun, I believe you tried to set a ghost on fire), and finally Ebb.

We cried together. We had found all that we had lost.

Twenty years is a long time to heal.

It’s been far more than twenty years since that night.

We adopted two kids, and they grew and married and had kids of their own.

I remember when we met our granddaughter, and she grabbed onto my wing and wouldn’t let go. (After all these years, you would think I would have gotten rid of them.) (You loved them, though, so they stayed.)

It’s been years. You’re still alive.

I wish I could be. I was an old man, and you, you perfect bastard, refused to Turn me.

I want to see you again. I think that’s why you waited this whole year, to see if I’d cross back to you.

I don’t think I can.

I don’t have any magic.

But the Veil is thinnest tonight, and it doesn’t look like you’re sleeping much anymore.

I’m going to try to reach you.

I’m trying now, can you see me?

Baz?

Did I do it?

I love you.

I wanted to stay with you forever. And I know you regret not Turning me.

But I’m here now.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

I know, I miss you too.

Baz, don’t.

Please don’t.

The kids, Mordi-

Please.

Baz, I have to go. Please don’t.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

_Baz_

Simon Snow, you are the death of me.

I know you told me not to, but I can’t do it.

Not without you.

**Tyger, tyger, burning bright.**

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :) my tumblr is @infinityonhighvevo, come talk to me there!


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